Friday, October 14, 2005

The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays

Courtesy of Jenny's aunt and uncle.... Jenny is a fellow Jewish friend....

I thought that the following, in addition to giving information was highly amusing.

For those of you who have been searching for a greater understanding of Jewish holidays major and minor, you will find the explanation below most enlightening:

Jewish Holidays

As a general principle, Jewish holidays are divided between days on which you must starve and days on which you overeat. Many Jews observe no fewer than 16 fasts throughout the Jewish year, based on the time-honored principle that even if you are sure that you are ritually purified, you definitely aren't.

Though there are many feasts and fasts, there are no holidays requiring light snacking. Note: Unlike Christians, who simply attend church on special days (e.g. Ash Wednesday), on Jewish holidays most Jews take the whole day off. This is because Jews, for historical and personal reasons, are more stressed out.

The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays:

Rosh Hashanah -- Feast
Tzom Gedalia -- Fast
Yom Kippur -- More fasting
Sukkot -- Feast
Hashanah Rabbah -- More feasting
Simchat Torah -- Keep feasting
Month of Heshvan -- No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Get a grip on yourself.
Hanukkah -- Eat potato pancakes
Tenth of Tevet -- Do not eat potato pancakes
Tu B'Shevat -- Feast
Fast of Esther -- Fast
Purim -- Eat pastry
Passover -- Do not eat pastry
Shavuot -- Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes etc.)
17th of Tammuz -- Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
Tish B'Av -- Very strict fast (don't even think about cheesecake or Blintzes)
Month of Elul -- End of cycle. Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders before High Holidays arrive again.

Except for the fasting ones, here is a synopsis of most Jewish holidays:

-They tried to kill us.
-They couldn't.
-Let's eat!

We wish you a happy, healthy and peaceful new year!

And may all your kugel be calorie-free!